I am here for now.....

Dear Damien,

I wasn't able to make it home for new year. There were so many problems. I had come back late from work on new year's eve, D missed his flight that night. We spent most of the following morning looking for a travel agency to book his flight for the same night. I was angry with him but I tried not to show it. It was such a difficult task, my expressive face works against me most of the time. He knew that I was a little upset.

I went home to mummy's pretty late. Looking at them still breaks my heart. Dad spared me till late afternoon. "So, Isa, have you changed your mind about him? Your mum is falling sick. She cries constantly. I am so worried about her health and your future." As usual, we fought again regarding D. It is always the same. Everytime. Daddy cried, mummy cried, I cried. And I took off... came back to my apartment.

Why did I fall in love? And why is this such a tragedy for mummy, Damien? Why am I in this place at this point of time in my life? Why is it that they can't see what I see, and try as I might, I can never see what they seem to see. They all mean well, I know. Am I being selfish? Choosing this man who is not approved by anyone in my family. Doesn't character matter anymore? D is a good man. He is a self-made man. I can't wrong him. Especially not after everything that I have put him through.

I wish you were here, Damien. I wish you could tell me what to do. I love them to bits. And though I never thought this was possible, I have grown to love D so much. What does a woman who loves her family and her man do when they are tearing her in half?

How do I survive, Damien??? I am here for now, I am alive... but what about tomorrow? How do I get through that..?

Yours,

Isa